God’s Heart for the Stranger

Let me introduce myself, I’m Becca: Abba’s child, wife of Luke and mother of Lyzee (9) and Zeke (5). I had the privilege of living and raising my kids in their early days of childhood in Malawi, Africa. My husband and I started a national youth sports ministry through the local church in the city of Blantyre and lived there for 6 years. The local churches are still running the ministry today and it is developing all across that beautiful country. About two years ago my father-in-law was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease and we felt the Lord moving us back to the USA to be close to him and my mother-in-law. Our Malawian family graciously and prayerfully sent us off to live in Sacramento July of 2017. We now are partnering with World Relief Sacramento to assist the most vulnerable in our society, refugee children.

God has always identified with the stranger, the refugee, the sojourner. In Leviticus 19:33-34 He gives clear guidelines to His people on how to view and treat strangers. “When a stranger resides with you in your land, you shall not do him wrong. The stranger who resides with you shall be to you as the native among you, and you shall love him as yourself, for you were aliens in the land of Egypt; I am the LORD your God”.

This verse means so much to me because I was the stranger and the sojourner. I was the immigrant. When my young family first arrived in Malawi, we knew nothing. We did not speak the language, we did not have a job, we did not have any friends or family. We relied on the Malawians to help us. And glory be to God, the church lived out this verse and treated us like family. They helped us learn the language. They gave us food. They graciously explained the culture that was so new to us and forgave us for our cultural mistakes.

“Therefore welcome one another as Christ has welcomed you, for the glory of God.” Romans 15:7. Why are we to welcome one another? Look back at verses 5-6,“Now may the God who gives perseverance and encouragement grant you to be of the same mind with one another according to Christ Jesus, so that with one accord you may with one voice glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.” We are to welcome others because it brings Him glory, however, as Paul points out, it will take perseverance and encouragement granted from God to be of the same mind and voice to glorify Him in your welcoming, as you have been welcomed by HIM.

A Story of Perseverance and Encouragement

My family wanted to get together with some of our Afghan refugee neighbors for dinner. We asked two families with kids around the same age as our kids and picked a date that worked for everyone. We also invited an American couple who told us they wanted to get to know some of our refugee neighbors too. A picnic, we thought, is the best way to connect neighbors!

The day finally arrived, and as is common when a group is gathering, we started out late getting to the park. It was also in October and fall was blowing in. It was colder than we had anticipated and it was darker earlier than we had thought. Strike one.

We wanted the food to represent both cultures and be appropriate for our neighbors to eat so we brought BBQ chicken sandwich’s and Halaal spicy kabobs. Well, the BBQ chicken didn’t go over so well and the spicy kabobs should have been named very spicy kabobs. Strike two.

After our attempt at eating our picnic it was time for tea. I love this part of Afghan culture, after a meal everyone sits together and has a few cups of refreshing green tea. Our lovely neighbors brought the tea and we were to bring the mugs. As we all settled in to pour the tea, I realized we forgot the mugs. Strike three.

Luke, my husband, drove back to the house to grab the mugs. By the time he got back to the park we were sitting and shivering in complete darkness except for one park light near by. This evening had not gone as we planned but it was still an important gathering. As we used our phone lights to aid us in collecting all the dishes, leftovers, toys and lost shoes from the kids; we were all together laughing, helping and seeing the comedy in the chaos.

Hospitality is Pursuing Relationships, Not Pinterest-Perfection

That’s what welcoming is, it starts with “Hi, how are you?” and an invitation to the table that is not, and I would say should not be, “perfect”. The goal is not to put our best foot forward. Sure we want all guests to feel comfortable but perfection is not the way to do that, authenticity is. If the goal is Pinterest hospitality then you are the focus and not the relationship. It’s ok for things to be awkward and even feel like your striking out. That shows your authenticity and invites your neighbor to show theirs.

Bob Goff says in his book, “Everybody Always,”

We try to make ourselves the hero or the victim of every story. Something goes wrong and we want to be the victim. Something goes right and we want to make ourselves the hero. It doesn’t seem to matter which it is as long as we make it about us. But if we make everything about us it will never be about Jesus. What I’m coming to realize is we’re not the hero’s and we’re not the victims of all the stories happening around us.

So, welcome your neighbors this holiday season with perseverance and encouragement! Welcome them to your table and get to know them for the glory of God. Welcome them the way Christ is welcoming you. Our Savior went to great extent, laying aside his glory and taking on human flesh, to reach out to us, the outsiders, and invites us into restorative relationship with him. Therefore, we can and must also show that same welcoming heart to those on the fringes, not so we can be the hero but so we can point them to the hero, Jesus.

“Let the love of the brethren continue. Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for by this some of have entertained angels without knowing it.” - Hebrews 13:1-2

Tips on Welcoming the Stranger Among You

Here are a few tips on intentional hospitality:

1. Welcome without agenda. What this means is treat people like friends not projects.

2. Listen. Ask questions humbly and listen and learn. I have learned so much from my refugee neighbors in conversations around the table. Many times a few family members cannot yet speak English so make sure someone is translating for them. If all else fails mime and use lots of hand signals. Google translate is a good tool too.

3. Tell about yourself. A fantastic way to share about who you are is by showing your guests family pictures. Don’t go over board but a few (5-8) nice family pictures is a great way to introduce your parents, spouse, kids, brothers, sisters… And ask if your guest has any pictures of their family (smart phones come in handy here).

4. Make appropriate food. If your guests are Muslim make sure you serve Halaal food. This just means that the meat is prepared in a proper way for people of this faith community. Halaal meat can be purchased at a Halaal market. Or better yet, find a restaurant that makes and serves food from your neighbor’s home country and order in.

5. Serve appropriate drinks. Best not to serve any alcoholic beverages. Stick with soda, juice or water.

6. Be sensitive about pets. If you have a dog or cat it would be a good idea to keep pets in a separate room or outside while you first get to know your neighbor. Many refugees do not keep pets and some children might have a fear of dogs (like my kids).

7. No shoes in the house. Expect your guests to take off their shoes before entering your house.

8. Men and women interact differently. Men and women usually don’t shake hands or hug each other. Men shake hands with men and women give a kiss on each cheek.

9. Sit a spell. Don’t rush. Enjoy your time.

When we invite our kids into this lifestyle with us, their lives continue to be shaped by the Gospel as well. This was my daughter’s birthday party this year, full of beautiful girls from different cultures, which is such a wonderful picture of the Kingdom! I can’t wait to see how our family’s lifestyle of loving the stranger continues to shape our lives and our children’s lives in years to come. Don’t be afraid to include your children in loving and welcoming others for God’s glory!

Welcoming the Stranger at Your Table

God’s Heart for the Stranger

A Story of Perseverance and Encouragement

Hospitality is Pursuing Relationships, Not Pinterest-Perfection

Tips on Welcoming the Stranger Among You

Further Reading Recommendations