Idolatry of Self
God is God, and I am not. This is a statement I know to be true, but practically, my life doesn’t always align. Jen Wilkin dives into this topic in her book, None Like Him. This book led me to praise God for who he is, but also challenged me to repent of when I try to be like him in ways he hasn’t created me to be.
Trying to Be God
God is sovereign, the God of infinite rule. Only God is worthy of worship, and worship of anything other than him is idolatry. These truths combined convict me greatly, especially in view of motherhood. God has blessed me with sweet and fun toddler boys. I love being their mom, but because we live in a fallen world, my boys sin, making discipline a constant and necessary part of my motherhood.
It’s in these moments of disciplining my children that God convicts me of how I try to be him. I cling to control and infinite rule of my home and boys, and unfortunately, I place in front of my children an idol each day- myself. No, I don’t ask them to bow down to me or sing songs of praise to my name (although a “thank you” every once in a while would be nice… ha!). However, I wrongly created an idol of well behaved children for the sake of me and my control.
Requiring Obedience for the Sake of Christ
Is expecting children to obey wrong? Definitely not! In fact, Scripture commands us to train our children up in the instruction of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4), and in turn, children are commanded to obey (Colossians 3:20). The issue lies in the motivation for our children’s obedience. When children are given the command to obey their parents in Colossians 3:20, they’re also given a reason, “... for this pleases the Lord.”
Our children aren’t required to obey because it makes our lives easier, but sadly, that’s the idol I far too often put in front of my kids. Obey mommy so mommy can have an easier day. I make things all about mommy instead of all about pleasing the Lord. Why does it please the Lord for children to obey us? That could be another post in and of itself, but the in short, our children come in this world sinners, thinking life is all about them. Behind every act of disobedience is a rebellious heart, ultimately rebelling against God. Their biggest need is to realize their sin and obey the highest authority, God, through repentance and belief in him. Parents are the first and main earthly authority God gives as a means to teach obedience, prayerfully leading children to learn to obey him.
If my desire for my children’s obedience is me, then I’m totally missing the point. If I raise my children to bow down to me, but fail to use discipline moments to teach them to bow down to the only one worthy, God, then all of the discipline is in vain. This isn’t to teach our children a gospel of legalism; that isn’t gospel at all. We can’t obey our way into salvation. However, discipline moments do show our children their sin, which gives us the opportunity to point them to the only way to be truly rescued from that sin- Jesus Christ our Savior. We discipline our children because we love them, and because ultimately, we want them to know the One who loves them best.
Key Signs to Uncovering this Idol
There’s usually a few key things I can look for when I make my children’s obedience an idol:
I discipline out of anger, instead of love. Scripture teaches us to speak the truth in love, and gentleness should be a fruit we bear. When obedience becomes an idol, I speak harshly, instead of with gentleness.
Moments of impatience and frustration. Scripture is teaches that love is patient (1 Corinthians 13:4). It also never says that “frustration” should be the mark of a believer. However, when I have made an idol out of my children’s obedience, my fuse usually runs pretty short with them. I’m frustrated at having to repeat the same things and impatient with things that, honestly, don’t even matter (like how slowly they walk to the car).
Using a “crutch” to band-aid the problem. This “crutch” might be a screen, snacks, or something else, and it’s important to note that these things aren’t wrong to use at appropriate times. However, the issue is when I’m unwilling to do the hard work of engaging with my children in that discipline moment and am using something else to give a temporary fix with the goal of making my life easier.
Heart Behind Obedience
We obey Jesus, not because it can earn us more favor with him, but out of a heart full of love and gratitude to him. He gave up his life that we might gain ours, so a heart posture of obedience is the least we can give him. I can obey Jesus by having a heart that wants my children to obey for his glory, not my own. I can obey by laying down the idol of myself, my comfort, and my control, and discipline my children out of love and gentleness.
I fail at this so much, which is why I need a Savior, just as much as my children do. I find myself saying “I’m sorry” to them more than I like to admit, but I want them to know mommy is learning to obey God, just like they are. Mommy is a sinner who needs my children’s forgiveness far too often, but most of all, the forgiveness of Jesus, and I want my children to know that.
May we require obedience of our children for the glory of God! May we use their moments of failures to show them that, yes, sin has consequences, but that there’s also grace. May moments of disobedience lead to reconciliation in earthly relationships and to God himself! When it comes down to it, I’m a terrible idol to ask my children to bow down to. I’m so thankful for God and his gospel! He gives us purpose in the hard moments of parenting, and he’s so worthy of us to do all things- even discipline- for his glory!
Cassie Pattillo
Cassie is a wife to Jack, and mama to Hunter (4), Isaac (2), and is in the process of adopting a daughter from India. She’s passionate about biblical literacy, and writing and teaching about Scripture. She’s also a big fan of slow mornings with a cup of coffee, a good book on the beach, and Gamecock football. She loves giving Gospel-centered encouragement through writing, which you can find on her blog, Diaries of a Daughter.